How I found purpose in my family’s regret. – part 1

The kids’ had regret that we had to return home. And so did I.

Wooden plaque with images of a sand dollar, a star fish, and a seashell. With the word Beach, simple words of regret.
“Our memories of the ocean will linger on, long after our footprints in the sand are gone.”

My family and I just came back from a wonderful trip for our 11th anniversary. My wife always wanted a beach wedding. The best I could do when we first got married, was a park overlooking a small local lake.

Last year, for our 10th anniversary, I surprised her with a full beach wedding/vow renewal. I managed to find a magnificent beach house, big enough for her to have family stay with us. The master bedroom had a balcony which looked directly out to the ocean.

My wife grew up visiting the beach at Port Aransas, TX with her mom and stepdad. She absolutely loves the beach. And like her mom, calls Port A her ‘Happy Place’.

I had never really spent any real time at the beach. – I’m more of a cold mountain type.

But I was able to find my own joy on the beach. I a serene peace in falling to sleep with the balcony door open. Feeling the cool night ocean breeze and the live sound of the waves crashing against the short Texas beach.

That first time there was a bit hectic, with family and friends filling up the house and our time. And the activities of doing a formal vow renewal. Falling to sleep with the cool night air and the ocean waves crashing upon the sand. With my snuggling wife curled up to me, I found my ‘Happy Place’.

After our renewal last year, I immediately began looking for another, smaller beach house for this year’s anniversary. The only requirements were that it had a master bedroom, with a King size bed, and a balcony that looked directly out towards the Gulf. And of course, only big enough for my wife, myself and our kids.

Back to the present, we just came back from Port A for our 11th Anniversary.

Again, it was a wonderful family trip. The little condo I found was perfect. (There are still a lot of repairs going on from the damage of hurricane Harvey. Which has been good to watch and experience as a whole community comes back from disaster)

It was quite cooler and extremely foggy this year. Being only us and the kids, we were able to explore more of the island. And I know I’ve already talked about this. But, I can not express adequately, the feeling I get from falling to sleep with the balcony door, with the night ocean breeze and the crashing of the waves. While my little, not quite 5′ tall wife is curled up tight to me.

Then comes the time to prepare for home.

It is difficult to teach your kids, (especially the two youngest) to not focus on the regret of having to leave. But to have gratitude for having had the opportunity to have such an experience. When deep inside your struggling with the regret of… Click To Tweet

On the outside, your trying to stay positive, show gratitude and enjoy the moment while you’re still living it.

Especially in front of your kids. Not wanting to think about going back to the office, early mornings to rush kids off to school, (for my wife) the hustle of getting kids from School to all of their extra activities of scouting, karate, gymnastics, etc. The heaviness building inside as you try not to think about it.

The ride home is not nearly as enjoyable as the ride was going out.

It is late when you get home. Immediately you go right back into the routine of getting all the kids to bed and lunches made for the next day. The next morning, instead of the majestic ocean waves, you wake up to the noise of the construction going on at the end of your street. And instead of the nice cool breeze of fresh night air, you’re getting out in 20-degree weather with ice on your windshield.

How quickly the joy and gratitude can turn into sadness, regret and depression. As they say, “All good things must come to an end”.
Or do they?

What we measure we grow!

What we measure we grow.

What that means is, How we end today will define how we start tomorrow, Click To Tweet

What we measure grows
How we end today will define how we start tomorrow!

My nightly routine is fundamental but consistent. At the end of the night, I sit down, I grab my journal, and I write, and I answer three basic questions:

  1. What went right?
  2. What didn’t go right?
  3. What am I most grateful for today?

I have to remember the routines that it takes for me to stay clean on a regular basis.

As we begin to learn to inventory our lives, we find the routines that we never knew we had that fed our addictions, our depressions, our anxieties. We see that during those moments, we were on autopilot. As we focused on our depression, our depression deepened. As soon as we become consumed by our anxiety or the hunger to feel different, our compulsions and obsessions grow. Continue reading “What we measure we grow!”

I will not put my Trust in you, but I will have Faith in you.

I will not put my Trust in you, but I will have Faith in you.

Brendon Burchard quote on blocked desires
“It is in our self-protection that we often block the very thing we desire” – Brendon Burchard

I remember a time when I was not able to drive myself around. I had to rely on others to get me to, and from meetings, or to and from work. Many a time I’d be sitting outside of the apartment complex waiting on someone to pick me up. They’d be running 30, 40 min or even an hour late. I used to get so pissed off. Eventually, I started realizing, that there are times when stuff happens, and there’s nothing we can do about it.

We learned to have faith in someone’s ability to pick us up when they say they’re going to pick us up. That has nothing to do with trust. Trust is not a spiritual principle. Faith is. If we trust that someone is going to be Continue reading “I will not put my Trust in you, but I will have Faith in you.”