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Self-Centeredness Kept me Sick

As a recovering addict, one realization I had to come to terms with early on was that self-centeredness was at the core of my addiction.

Being ultimately concerned with ‘fixing myself.’ Taking care of my inexhaustible hunger for more, not realizing how my addictive behavior affected everyone around me. I became sick without realizing I was sick.

It wasn’t until I became aware of how my self-centeredness had made my relations with others sick. How I brought harm and turmoil to those, I came into contact with, especially those closest to me, that I became able to see just how sick I had gotten.

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How I found purpose through Regret – part 2

So here is how our future together looks. We find a beautiful 3 to 4 bedroom house or condo in Port Aransas, TX. Big enough for a family vacation but small enough to make it easily rentable. 

We will name it my wife’s “Happy Place.”

First plaque bought for future beach house

It will have to have a balcony off the Master bedroom with a direct view of the gulf. Being able to hear the waves crash against the sand, as we sleep, is a must. 

Our second goal will be my “Happy Place.”

Next, we will work towards purchasing a modest cabin or house somewhere close to the ‘Garden of the Gods’ in Colorado. Again, big enough for a family vacation yet small enough to make it easily affordable to rent. 

And again, the Master bedroom will be a defining element. 

This time with a balcony with an unobstructed view of the stars. – And yes, we do plan on having telescopes in both locations.

To allow each place to fulfill the 7th principle of Faith, being self-supporting.

Both of these two locations will be rentable vacation homes. We’ll keep our primary residence in the Dallas/Fort Worth, TX area. It’s important to us that we maintain some stable roots. And stay close to our kids.

But travel is our shared passion.

We will find a small RV just big enough for the two of us and her Chiweenie, Pebbles. It will have to either be a toy hauler or have a short trailer for the motorcycle. 

This will not be our retirement, it will be our liberation.

We plan on bouncing between locations. Visiting each 2 to 3 times a year. – During their respected offseasons, of course. We want to be able to enjoy both of our ‘Happy Places.’ Enjoy filling our desire cups on a consistent and leisurely basis.

How close are we? Not at All.

We still have another 9years before our youngest graduates high school. We spend so much of our time and resources now, providing the best life we can for our kids. If you follow any of our Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, you already know about our Scouting/ Gymnastics/ Black Belt kiddos. Along with our activities as parents, as a couple, and as individuals.

When we look at where we are, compared to where we want to be,

We both become overwhelmed with doubt and depression. The inner voices of despair telling us, we will never have that type of life. And yes, at times, our pessimism will trigger a very depressing discussion. 

But, since our shared desire for how we want to live has surfaced. Our sharing of individual doubt and depression turns into shared acknowledgment. Acknowledgment of where we’ve come from and of our unified re-alignment of intention towards a shared outcome.

“Always aspire to inspire before we expire!”​


The 2nd re-post from March 2018, a post lost during a site migration.

If you haven’t read Part 1 Click here.

How I found purpose through Regret – part 1

The kids’ regretted that we had to return home. 

And so did I. My family and I just came back from a beautiful trip for our 11th anniversary. My wife always wanted a beach wedding. The best I could do when we first got married was a park overlooking a small local lake. 

So, for our momentous 10th Anniversary, I surprised her with a full-on beach wedding/vow renewal. I found a magnificent beach house, directly overlooking the Gulf from the master bedroom. 

I had never really spent any real-time on the beach. 

I’m more of a cold mountain type. And I never really saw myself as a fan of the beach. I always thought that it would be too hot and crowded for my liking. But our Anniversary is right at the beginning of March. And I found my joy of the place through the cool ocean breeze and the live sound of the crashing waves upon the sand.

Though my first time in Port Aransas was a bit hectic, with family and friends filling up the house and the time, and, of course, the activities of organizing and participating in a formal vowel renewal, falling to sleep at night, to the fresh ocean air and soothing waves, with my wife snuggled up to me, quickly became my “Happy Place.”

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The awesome truth about Change, pain is optional.

"There is no pain in Change, there is only pain in the resistance to change." Click To Tweet

Whenever I think of change, I think of my dad. The first time I ever heard this saying was in 1988. I had been out of my house for a little while. I had about three years, clean and sober. At the time, I was only 18. I was homeless, and I ended up having to move in with my dad for the first time.

Struggle comes from trying to change others instead of self.

When the decision came for me to move in with him. One of the things that he said was, “there is no pain in change. There’s only pain in the resistance to change.” And it has stuck with me ever since.

I can recall a time when I had hurt a young lady that I had been dating. I had never been much on talking about my past. My focus has always been on moving forward. I’m not afraid of my past, that’s just me. But there was something from my past, that she found out about, that hurt her. And I remember saying to someone, with tears in my eyes, “I know that there is no pain in change, but damn it, I want to resist this change.” And I meant it.

PaulDavid