I Still Find Myself Falling Short

No matter how long I’ve been trying to live by these Spiritual Principles, I still find myself falling short.

blown tire
Its not If we blow a tire but When. What counts is what we do next.

 

 

This morning, I had to call my wife to come pick me up from the automotive garage. What was hopefully a simple (and inexpensive) front end alignment, turned out to be a significant repair on the front end, running well over $1000.

As I sat waiting for my wife to arrive, I knew I was going to have to be Honest.

Let’s take a step back a couple of weeks. I had just left my house, turning off of our street. We live in a rural neighboorhood. Full of trees and playful squirrels. Right as I turned, I swerved and ran over the curb. In doing so, I blew my tire.

I was already running late for work.

My mind immediately went into – “What the H#@% do I do now” – mode. I knew I needed to let work know I was going to be late. And I knew I needed my car for the upcoming busy week ahead. I knew my wife had to have her van. (After all, her days are much fuller than mine on average.)  😛

Right after it happened, a neighbor came out. He had heard my tire blow, and I guess he was curious. I don’t remember much of the conversation, other than that I was embarrassed more than anything.

Moments later, when I finally concluded that I had to walk to my house and inform my wife.

My embarrassment grew.

“I had a blowout,” I told her. I didn’t say anything about any squirrels, swerving or hitting the curb.

She drove me to the office, and we made a quick-and-dirty plan on how I would get to and from for the next few days. I only had to make through the next few days of local shows. Then I flew out to Tennessee for an event.

I admit I love my little Kia Soul. But, one of the only downfalls is that they do not come with a spare tire. Only an emergency repair kit.

My tire was beyond, “emergency repair.”

So, while I was at work, my wife enlisted the help of a family friend to remove the tire and take it in to be replaced.

They put the new tire on my car, and my wife drove it the half a block to our house. Now at this point, I still had not told my wife I had run over the curb. In that short drive, she noticed my car was pulling to the right.

Of course, this led to an obvious question,”How does a blown tire cause it to pull so much? Do you think the new tire was not balanced correctly?” At this point, I admitted, “I hit something in the road.” Still not admitting to hitting the curb,”I’ll take it back to the tire place and have them check the alignment when I get back in town.”

When I came back home, I took the car to an auto repair shop. As I drove to the garage, it was clear that I had done more damage than initially realized. Not only did the car pull drastically to one side, but it also had an unusual squeal every time I turned the wheel. I remained hopeful that it was just a simple alignment problem.

It was much worse then I had Hoped.

I had damaged my inner and outer tie rods, the knee assembly and needed a full re-alignment. Altogether, a little over a grand worth of damage and I have lost the use of my vehicle for another week.

Now there was no getting around it. As I sat there waiting for my wife to pick me up. I was not looking forward to the conversation that was about to take place. I knew I should have said something sooner.

As I quietly got in the van. She calmly and with a particular stern tone in her voice asked,”So, what really happened?” So I told her-squirrel, swerve, curb, kplow!, DOH! “So why didn’t you just tell me then?” she asks. And I admitted, “At the moment, I was frustrated and embarrassed.”

There is a line in one of the recovery pieces of literature that states, “It’s not if we revert but when we revert.” For the most part, my concern of being judged by others has lessened. I may still think about what others think, but it usually does not influence how I act.

From time to time, I will revert.

I forget to be mindful and ‘in the moment,’ act instead of reacting. I revert to old ways and dig myself a whole. And instead of climbing out I start to dig sideways. Hoping that somehow I’ll find myself outside of the whole that I put myself in.

Please tell us your thoughts and/or experiences?