Whenever we get to talking about values, I have a little different perception. I don’t put a lot of weight into ‘values’ these days.
I’ve quit worrying about morals, stopped worrying about ethics, quit worrying about values. Those are subjective. Those are dependent on what we’re taught at any given time from the culture that we grew up in.
If you look up the definition of values, you won’t see ‘values’ itself. It is ‘value.’ A singular noun. Almost every definition has to do with ‘worth.’ Somewhere down in there, around the tenth definition, there will be one that says ‘values’ plural. And it’s still about worth and it, but it talks about the societal worth given by common ideas within a community.
“We become able to make wise and loving decisions based on principles and ideas that have real value in our lives.”
Just for Today
A lot of my values, as we discuss them here, are because of where I grew up and because of the culture I live in. One good example of that is my wife. I grew up in the 70s with a very loose childhood. By the time I was in third grade, I was smoking a half pack of cigarettes a day, drinking straight liquor, and smoking other substances.
My wife, on the other hand, grew up in a very structured, very strict childhood. And she grew up very sheltered. And there are so many things that she grew up believing was wrong and immoral. That she spent much of her young life overwhelmed with anxiety.
I believe in 12 core spiritual principles, 12 essential spiritual principles.
And those are the only real tools that I try to focus on each day. If I live by these 12 essential principles to best my ability than the value I give to this world, the value I give to you will come on its own.ome on its own.
You do carry a great deal of value in my life. Not because of your morals or your ethics or what you believe. But because of what you bring to the table, to me or those around me.
The diversity of any given group or community is truly amazing when you take the time to notice it.
Our ethics, morals, and values dictate our politics and dictate what we think is right and wrong. And not everybody agrees on that stuff. What I think is valuable in my life, you may not.
I do believe in Hope, Surrender, Acceptance, Honesty, Open-mindedness, Willingness, Faith, Tolerance, Patience, Humility, Unconditional Love, Altruistic Service. I hope that you hear me share those words more than anything else throughout JnP. Because when I lost those before, and I became unteachable, I got so high and mighty over the amount of clean time I had at such a young age, I no longer had value to share.
Once I lost my value, I left recovery, and two years later, I relapsed. Nine years later, I came crawling back in to recover broken. And you know what? I’m grateful I was broken because you can’t be fixed until you are, you can’t heal until there’s a sore.
So today, I’m learning.
I’m learning to make those decisions that will bring value, not necessarily in my life. But in the lives around me. I do have three remarkable kids at home. One away from home, that’s about to make me a grandpa. And a beautiful wife that grew up in a different era who deals with other issues other than addiction. We have to learn to deal with each other’s adversities. And that’s not always easy.
My wife and I just had a discussion a little while back, because of a conflict that we had a few weeks ago. And we finally got to sit down and talk it out. We’ve been learning to give each other space until we’re ready to sit down and talk. A precious response that resulted in me sharing with her how it’s a different outlook for me as I get older.
My past is no longer an excuse for the way I live today.
I am very much a forward thinker. Always have been. I don’t know if it’s because I’m Aquarius or not, but I’ve always been a forward thinker. And if I’m being honest, when I look forward today, I see less road ahead of me than what I have behind me. And that can be scary.
My wife is 15 years younger than I am. One of my greatest fears today is one of these days she might wake up, rollover, and see this old man next to her. That’s a legitimate fear. There’s value in that fear. The value is that it pushes me to take better care of myself.
I could care less about values today.
Let me live by essential spiritual principles and see what value I bring to the table. You put value in my life, even when you make mistakes.
I relate the value of relationships much, like having a bank account. I’m either going to put a deposit into that relationship with you or a withdrawal. You’re going to do the same. How much deposit we put into each other, how much withdrawal we take from each other will dictate what the value we hold with each other.
My self-worth is no longer equated by the way the world treats me, but only in how I treat the world. Click To Tweet
